Yesterday was a difficult day. I worry about finances. I worry if I will ever find another job and if the notary market is so saturated that despite marketing efforts, I will never make enough money to pay bills let alone set money aside for retirement. My feelings of hopelessness brought a lot of tears and anxiety. During these challenging times, Webb Acres keeps me going. I must get out of bed and feed the alpacas, open the chicken coop to let the hens out for the day. The cats wait patiently for me to come so they can sneak in and steal chicken feed. I greet the baby chicks and make sure everyone is accounted for. With the heat, I fill buckets of electrolytes for the critters. I check and refill water. I water the garden. Then I sit and enjoy my cup of coffee and try to tire Winnie by tossing the ball.
Earlier this week, I hauled one of the industrial fans into the trees to keep the alpacas cool. The other one has a broken wheel that needs to be replaced. After setting up the fan, I turned it on and discovered the motor is going and now only works on low circulating little air. I checked the cost of new fans and they are now $450! It’s only May and already the thermostat is edging close to 100. Hopefully, Jim Bob will get the wheels on the other fan this weekend and that it still works. Otherwise, we will have to go to plan b, whatever that is.
On dark days like yesterday, I seem to only focus on worst case scenarios. Will I have to sell the alpacas? They have been a labor of love, but the cost of feed keeps increasing like everything else. If one of them gets sick, I do not think I’ll be able to afford a vet farm visit. Seeing pictures of rescued abused and neglected alpacas gives me pause and I worry about finding new owners who will love and care for them like we have. Yesterday, I became terrified and convinced that we will have to sell Webb Acres as we cannot sustain for long with essentially only my husband’s income.
Fortunately, I do not have too many days like yesterday. Most days I try to stay positive and remind myself that this is merely a blip in time. I meditate twice daily, exercise, and practice yoga. I put one foot in front of the other, hoping (and believing) things will change. I have always been a believer that things happen for a reason. I have had enough challenging periods to know that they do not last forever. But on days like this, and little change in circumstances, it is hard to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Today, I submitted more resumes, did some preparation to market my notary business, and decided to get a haircut. And for the first time in years, I think I finally found a hair stylist that I like. Nothing like a decent hair cut to keep my spirits lifted.
I am grateful to live on Webb Acres. Zeus came up to me and kissed me on the cheek yesterday. Frankie sniffed my hair as I filled the bucket with electrolytes. Another reason to be grateful is today’s Zeus birthday! And we are guessing our rescue Winnie was born in May so I celebrate her first year of life as well as Booboo since I have no idea when he was born.
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