I think it is a normal part of life but sometimes depression seems to get the best of me. For several months, I feel like I fight to climb out of it but like the peak of a mountain that seems to get closer as I hike up, it feels like I can’t quite reach it.
This afternoon has been better. I pushed myself to do the glamorous task of picking up dog piles and llama bean piles (poop) while Jim Bob repaired the water pipes that had frozen and cracked from the recent cold snap. I used an empty sheep feed sack and those poor starving sheep kept sticking their heads in the sack smelling feed but finding only beans. Eventually, the wandered off disappointed that there were no goodies for them to enjoy. The sun felt good on my skin (sorry Alaska, Midwest, and East Coast friends). Spring-like weather in February is a definite benefit of living in Texas.
I sat for a while in the pasture watching the sheep and llamas. They came close but were not that interested in me. I decided to bring a bit of alfalfa for llamas Athena & Adelphi to eat out of my hand. Some progress has been made but they are still jumpy if we come too close. Jim Bob has been successful with getting Athena to eat out of his hand but not Adelphi. Earlier this week, I worked with both of them and while Adelphi was uncertain at first, she eventually accepted the hay from my hand. Today, they both trotted over when they saw what was in my hand and went right to work. This is huge progress in our journey to get them to trust us.
Taking steps to try and feel better about myself, I waxed the mustache and chin hair that seems to grow overnight. Yeah it hurts but takes not time to do with satisfying results. And it’s a lot cheaper than spending $$ at a salon. Is that TMI?
I brought Honey & Maple into the bedroom to visit the cats, Apollo & Mavra. A trainer with the rescue where we adopted Honey & Maple, Allie’s Haven, suggested playing “scatter” and throwing dog kibbles on the ground near the cats while on leash. We have been doing this for a while and their love of food is definitely stronger than their desire to chase and attack the cats. Mavra regularly gets close while they eat. Today, Apollo decided not to hide and warily watched the canines while they sought the kibbles I scattered on the carpet. I still do not trust them off leash with the cats but we had a really good session today.
Have today’s activities helped me to reach the summit of good mental health? I don’t think so but it did not hurt. Honey & Maple coming inside to check on me periodically helps. Apollo & Mavra greeting me whenever I open the gate to the bedroom helps as do the sheep and llamas who check me out whenever I walk into the pasture (even if it is purely for food) also feels good.
Of course, the support and love of my husband goes a long way as did yesterday’s zoom call with two dear friends, Tina and PJ. I first met these two childhood friends on our year abroad in Greece. While we have taken different paths in life, we understand, love, and accept each other without judgment.
Even now, I feel immense gratitude for all the creatures in my life and am confident they will help me through this difficult time.
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